Dear Alice,
My girlfriend recently (one month ago) received her first depo-provera shot; she decided to move to depo because condoms were not effective. (She became pregnant and had an abortion several months ago.)
The thing is, since her shot, her sex drive has been nil. She says that she doesn't "remember" how to become aroused and that, even though she wants sex emotionally and intellectually, her body is completely unresponsive. Whenever we attempt any kind of physical intimacy of a sexual nature, she says she feels claustrophobic and that she can't breathe. However, other physical intimacy is not a problem; we sleep together often (sleepovers), hug, cuddle, kiss (but sweetly, not passionately), etc.
I think I saw symptoms of this before the shot, though, and I have begun to wonder if this is possibly a psychological reaction to her pregnancy/abortion and other changes and crisis over the past year or a general hormonal reaction to everything that's happened. Or both.
As frustrating as this is for me, I'm worried about her as she is demonstrating an increasing anger towards herself for being "dysfunctional" and "less than a whole woman," and has fears that I'm going to break up with her because of the lack of sex. (I won't.)
I guess, what I'm really asking is: What can I do? We're talking, but it doesn't seem to be enough. Should we just change contraceptives, or is there possibly something worse going on?
— What can I do?